"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy, when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Oh please, don't take my sunshine away."
During the Teachers' Day celebration when I heard this song, I had to try really hard not to break down crying, right there and then. I don't think anyone but me had realised how depressing this song truly was. The fact that this was during Teachers' Day, of all events, didn't seem to help either.
~
When I was in primary school, all students were required to write a diary as homework. At the end of the week, we had to hand it in to our class teachers.
Most people followed the same format: describe where you went, say what you did, throw in a silly thing just for comic relief, then say that you were happy because thing happened. Rinse and repeat.
Everyone knew that format, even the teachers. It became a model for all the diary and journal writing in our school. Every student was expected to follow that pattern.
I chose to break that pattern.
~
For the second year in a row, the class of 5K had Mr Lee as class teacher. It made sense. Most of the teachers were assigned to the same bunch of people each year. My friend Min Yee idolised Mr Lee, to the extent of calling him "one of the most inspirational people she had met", so when he showed up at class on the first day of school, she was thrilled to say the least.
To be honest, I didn't care that much about Mr Lee at that point. I remembered him as the only person who had comforted me when I was crying.
I had absolutely nothing to pen down on my diary, so I decided to write from my own eyes. With every word, every paragraph, my love and emotions poured over the graphite. I wrote down what I thought. I wrote down what I liked. I wrote down what I hated.
What surprised me the most wasn't the fact that my entry was accepted. It was the fact that Mr Lee wrote back to me.
---
Dear diary,
People say I'm crazy. They think I'm mad. I'm not. I just think differently compared to them, but because of that, they treat me like I'm not normal. Like I'm a freak. I see people smiling at me every time. Are they happy to see me, or are they just laughing at my stupidity? I always feel left out, like I'm not wanted. My family treats me as such too. I want to be loved. I'm so lonely. I want a friend who is there for me. I want someone to listen to me, to understand me. I'm not just a stupid, giggly, immature weirdo. I'm a person too. Why can't people see that?
Yours truly,
Yi Ying
You shouldn't be thinking so negatively. There are many friends out there who care about you a lot. Also, if you don't want something, try to let people know instead of bottling it up. Good luck!
---
It shocked me a bit to see that Mr Lee had taken the time of the day to write down a reply to my entry. I wasn't the best student. I had barely got a B in my Chinese exam. I didn't pay special attention to the teachers in class, and I was somewhat of a troublemaker.
I was probably the last person who the teacher would reply to, yet there was his response, written
neatly and clearly in bright red ink, right at the bottom of the page.
Could it be that everyone else had got replies as well?
The next day, I went around asking my friends if Mr Lee had replied to their entries as well. They all shook their heads. It was only me.
However, even though it felt a tad bit unnatural, I was touched by his words. It felt so nice to have someone there for you to talk to, so I continued to write.
---
Dear diary,
Today, XXX told me off for absolutely nothing! All I did was point out what I didn't like about her favourite K-pop group, but then she's been glaring at me for the whole day. She says that she doesn't want to be friends anymore because I was so insensitive. When I told her that it was my opinion, she just got mad at me and completely ignored me! I wish I knew what she was thinking.
Yours truly,
Yi Ying
I understand that it was your opinion, but given that it was her favourite band, I think she might have been a bit offended by what you said. All the best!
---
I wrote more and more with each reply that I received. I would take up almost two, three pages whenever I wrote an entry. If I still had space on the page, I would fill the with my drawings and sketches. Sometimes, instead of writing about an event, I would write about my own bizarre theories and speculations.
---
Dear diary,
I was sitting under the tree again, playing with my new ruler when I realised that my thumb was as short - if not, shorter than - my pinkie. So I started to think, people never really appreciated the fact that we evolved to have thumbs. But without thumbs, how would life be different? We use our thumbs for so many things, such as picking things up, holding onto something better and keeping things in place. If we didn't have thumbs, what would we do?
One thought led to another, and I immediately thought of those under-appreciated people in our lives. They may not seem like much to others, but they have their own special talent, and without them, the world would be a very different place.
I realised that it doesn't matter if people don't see your talents, because everyone is useful in their own way, just like our thumbs.
Yours truly,
Yi Ying
Interesting theory! Indeed, each and every person in this world has their own undiscovered talents, and no one should feel like they are useless. Good luck!
---
With each entry I wrote, with each reply I received, I became more and more friendly with Mr Lee. It was as if each and every word written was an invisible thread, pulling our hearts closer and closer together.
The secrets I couldn't trust my friends with, I entrusted them to Mr Lee. All the emotions I hid under a mask, I wrote them all down on my diary. All the words that were lost, I found them again within the pages of that special little book.
My teacher became less of a teacher, but more of a friend.
He was my sunshine.
~
I started to notice the little things about Mr Lee that made him so special. He wasn't the most handsome, and he wasn't the most gentle. He wasn't the "cool" teacher that the boys liked.
He was special just because.
He loved each and every one of us, whether we were the bookworms, the crazies, or even the troublemakers. He loved us all the same.
He always came into class with a smile on his face, even though we never behaved ourselves despite being the top of our year. He taught with patience and love, even though no one paid attention. I didn't pay attention either.
He always wanted the best for all of us, but all we ever did was complain.
We never truly thanked him for what he did for us. This, I regret for the rest of my life.
~
The day I realised how much he meant to me wasn't the day he told us that we meant a lot to him. The day I realised how much he meant to me was the day he told us to let him go.
He was transferring to a school in Ipoh at the end of the year. We wouldn't be able to see him ever again. I didn't have a phone back then either, so I couldn't talk to him anymore.
After his class ended, it was a free period because our math teacher was sick. I took the toilet pass and walked to the washroom. I closed the door behind me and cried until there were no tears left.
For the remaining month that I had left with Mr Lee, I tried my best to apologise by doing all the things I had failed to do. I tried to get an A in my Chinese exams. I tried to pay more attention in class. I tried to repay all that he had given me.
It was impossible, because he had already sacrificed so much for us.
~
On the last day of school, my classmates all queued up to give Mr Lee all sorts of glamorous floral arrangements and cakes. In return, he and another teacher that was also leaving bought pizzas for all of us.
The only person who didn't give a fancy gift was me.
I had no money in my pockets, so I drew a last-minute farewell card. There was a little girl on the front page, waving with tears in her eyes. I didn't have enough time to colour, so I shaded it like the drawings in my diary.
Mr Lee took one long look at it, then replied, "The drawing is beautiful. I love it. Thank you so much."
I tried to hold back my tears as I watched his car drive away. I had lost one of my dear friends who saw my tears through my smile. He saw my worries through my care-free attitude. He appreciated my drawings, understood me more that anyone ever will, and he showed me how powerful an act of kindness could be. He was my sunshine, and he would never know how much I loved him.
Because they took my sunshine away.
I looked down at the battered diary to see the latest entry I had written.
---
Dear Mr Lee,
Thank you. I'm sorry. Goodbye.
Your friend,
Yi Ying
---
There were no replies to this one.
~Chan Yi Ying, Year 7 student
No comments:
Post a Comment